Novel Preview: Shaka are Dead
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If a ou were to of jump over a railings outside a classrooms on a third floor, onto a tarmac quadrangle below, you don’t not always kill yourself. Old Zakes found that out a hard way. We all skrikked somethink chronic, aspecially a girls cause of girls is worserer as boys at getting frights. Theresa Dern were a worstest, screaming away like what she done, wouldn’t not bleddy stop. But then I aspose she were sitting a closest to a drop zone which were what we did of called that spot from then on. Got blood all over her zarms. Why all a screaming though? It weren’t like they was peanut butter zarms, they was egg. Zakes’ blood could of only have made a taste betterer. Eggs make me puke big time, but maybe a blood were like tomato sauce what always do of make thinks betterer. If they had of beed peanut butter zarms I reckon I would of have probably finished Zakes off then and there for wasting, I don’t not like it when a ou wastes peanut butter.
So anyways, like I said, there were old Zakes lying on a ground groaning, all a girls was screaming and ja, even some of a boys was screaming too also. David du Plessis, he were a biggest woosie of all time, screaming like a bleddy girl he were.
Miss Smit were a teacher on duty and you couldn’t not of chosed a worser teacher acause she were a big woosie too, even by girl standards. She were like really pale normally, but she did of went even more whiter. I mean she were broek wetting skrikked seeing old Zakes like that.
She did of kept going, ‘Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,’ which were quite funny as she are like a religious edumacation teacher and all. Old de Wit, a headmaster, sented her home with trauma so as we did of had a free period that arvie. Not many ous merembered to thank Zakes for that when he did got back, he done us a big favour by jumping. Not that I is saying ous must go and jump off a third floor corridor there by Dawnhurst Primary School. Zakes were lucky, he did of survived, but I reckon most ous what jump off there won’t not live. It were like a million to one chance that a ou could of jump and live, so that a next nine-hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine-hundred and ninety-nine ous what acide to jump would become deaded, one shot. But old Zakes, he were lucky, he were a one in a million ou.
Not that he would of say he were lucky, I mean if a ou do of wants to commit sewerage pipe, then he do of wants to be deaded don’t he?
It were Larry van Staaden what adventually sorted old Zakes out. He were a P.E. teacher. We do of call him Larry the Lisp. Not to his face like, I mean like that would be dof, but that were our nickname for him, Larry the Lisp or more like Larry the Lithp. To his face we did of called him sir or Mr van Staaden, but sometimes some ous, including yours troolie, would of say ‘thir’ or ‘Mithter van Thaaden’, but he did pretended that he never heard. He were a woosie too also, but I’ll charf yous about all that later.